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Penis v Vagina & Other Disasters (This is all Real)
By: Brian Keller
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The penis over your head may be joined by a vagina

Most mornings the Subway, in the city from which this article is coming, is plastered with euphemistic images of penises, usually represented by cacti. Real penises aren’t that lovely. Riders would rather have droopy to robust cacti over their heads. The state of the vagina is in turmoil and we don’t know what plant, fruit or vegetable will be standing in for the vagina over your head. Vagina Nation has sex toys, wants subway riders to know, and aren’t being allowed to promote them by plastering Vagina metaphors all over our beloved subway walls.

Please note: We have no problem with either penises or vaginae or what their owners do with them. The problem is having them in your face while you ride to work in a subway car cleansed by urine-scented disinfectant, we vote for ads featuring puppies, but do think the ED ads and future ads, maybe, for sex toys are better than than the obtuse Casper Matress Ads and the very stale Seamless ( food delivery) work.

Here’s the Story

getroman.com/ Roman/Health and forhims.com are aimed at men and concentrate on ED, and other male problems. Well, they have been letting their penises run wild on the subways.  A woman oriented company, Dame (damesproducts.com) wants to run sex toy ads on the subway. BUT, “After working with sex toy company Dame for months on potential ads, the MTA has rejected the brand's campaign entirely, based on a new policy that bans sex toy advertisements on the subway.” _ VICE.com January 10, 2019  

Hey, you can't do that.           MTA Guideline

MTA Quietly Bans Sex Toys from Advertising on NYC Subway _Vice.com January 2019 
Vice Article

The MTA was working on a new guideline which saved the writer of this article from having to confront both the penis and vaginae on his way to work and back.  Truthfully, we haven’t seen a penis on the subway only some droopy cacti and healthy standing cacti. As for vaginae, while researching this extremely important piece, we’ve seen an inviting potato. We’ve also seen interpretations of things ready to be placed in certain places.

But, wait there doesn’t seem to be a “happy ending.” Vaginae aren’t taking this lying down and are mounting a stiff challenge to the ruling. Yes, Vagina Nation is suing to ride the subway.

What’s Going on

“A Sex Toy Company Is Suing the NYC Subway for Censorship.The sex toy company (Dame) says the Metropolitan Transit Authority is violating their rights by not letting it run ads.” _ Vice.com Jun 18 2019

Vice Article

“Vaginas deserve Giant ads too.”_ NY Times June 25  2019_ Jackie Rotman
New York Times Article
Our Legal Opinion/ Put it on the subway, if you really need to know where to buy something to put somewhere. Putting it there and where to put it is your business.
There are many cured penises out there. Vaginae and the makers of the sex toy ads privy to vaginae may be able to benefit the healthy penised community. We also like ads; we do ads for a living so keep people in jobs and to every penis and every vagina we say, “ Let’s get it on”, no matter your orientation philosophically or physically.

“Why can’t we all get along.”? Here’s why we can’t all get along...

During a daily perusal of Facebook political rants, fundraisers and food pictures we found the ultimate villain in the great Vagina/Penis battle, illustrated in the comment that follows. “I’ve never fully understood or been happy about the kinds of discriminative practices in advertising and who makes these decisions. It’s mostly wealthy white men…”   We would agree, it’s wealthy white men with healthy cacti that are lurking at the bottom of every vagina.
Speaking of Schizophrenia

Arnold Worldwide is the creator of some of the most horrifically annoying ads on earth. Yes, we are talking about Flo and her menacing posse of poorly conceived and sometimes creepy commercials. Let the people speak.
“Why don’t you read your own user reviews? No one likes your adds.... get rid of Flo.  PLEASE! She is not funny! Every time I see one of your ads I have to change the channel! I’m sick of it and so is everyone else!
Progressive on Ice Link  

Arnold is the creator of some of the most well conceived and engaging ads on earth. They make you laugh and at the same time, one remembers what they are for. Great job. On top of it all , Arnold’s handling of interracial couples is wonderful. There are many interracial couples, that look like they're thrown in as a part of an inclusion quota, in commercials that it screams of pandering. Arnold’s look at an interracial couple puts things where they should be. you You don’t see color, you notice two people, who unfortunately  many of us identify with, who seem real in a very clever commercial where they are indeed, turning into their parents. The piece was well played by actors Bob Boving and Kenna White.

This particular spot ran a while back in the “becoming your parent's executions for Progressive, here’s a link  Matt

Let the people speak: Progressive’s parent’s ads are embarrassingly terrific. I watch them and realize that OMG I’m now my mom. I now know why my daughter won’t be seen with me. But, watching these commercials is healing me.”

Okay Arnold, why can’t we retire Flo and her toadies  forever? Stop  teasing us with the temporary disappearing act.
Misguided classifieds we love

It seems easier to describe a job as an Anesthesiologist than it is to describe work as a Creative Director. We’ve lifted part of a 640-word ad for a Creative Director position. The call to action or application, as it were, is this: “The ideal candidate will know how to build and scale transformative 21st-century brands in a complex, nuanced, and evolving media environment.” We looked at other want ads for complex, nuanced and evolving jobs. We found Anesthesiologist. An Anesthesiologist puts people to sleep for surgery, that seems easy enough. After calling a metropolitan hospital we found that we were right when an Anesthesiologist confirmed that it is indeed easy. She did add a caveat: “Putting a patient to sleep is very easy. Waking a patient up is the hard part.” With that being said an ad for an Anesthesiologist we found was 22 words with the kicker, call to action or application, as it were, is this: ” Send CV to...”


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About the Author
Brian Keller is the Creative Director at Chomavision/Chromavision Brand Lab in Manhattan, NYC, USA.
He graduated from the University of Maryland (English), went to grad school at NYU (Cinema Studies) and went to University of Baltimore School of Law.
He likes skateboarding with his son. He also falls off his skateboard and amuses his son. When not amusing his son or riding bikes or playing basketball or working he writes for Beyond Madison Avenue & that's why Beyond Madison Avenue appears twice in this sentence and Talent Zoo once.

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