A determined young job seeker sent out hundreds of letters of application, only to have hundreds of rejections boomerang back. Eventually he learned he was only one dismal letter shy of taking hold of the record-breaking title for “most job rejection letters ever received.” Quickly, he sent one more. Awaiting the return of his final answer to give validation to such a numerous negative outcomes, finally it arrived only to read, “Congratulations, you’ve got the job!”
Letters of rejection: everybody gets them, but what do they really mean? Often x-ray vision is not required to read between the overused lexicon. Hence:
Dear Phyllis Schmoe:
Thank you for applying for the position of whatever it was. While we were extremely impressed with your before-my-time, which makes you really OLD experience we have decided to move ahead with another more qualified younger, hotter candidate who better fits the eye candy view at the water cooler position.
Sincerely not really,
Mr. Blah Blah Blah
Dear Miss Schmoe:
We are in receipt of but never read your application. Due to the large volume of applicants which made no difference since the boss’s neighbor’s third cousin had it in the bag before job ever posted, we cannot answer everyone so you’re lucky to get this automated form letter, and only the select few so don’t hold your breath will be contacted.
Ms. H.R. Yada Yada
Dear Mrs. Schmoe:
Persistence gets our attention will you puh-leez quit bugging us and we are sorry to inform you at this time there are no openings for a person with your senior AARP management level of qualifications. Feel free to reapply but we hope by now you get the message and give up in the future if you should live that long. Wishing the best not to you in all future endeavors whatever that means, but sounds professional.
Yours rejecting is truly powerful,
Mr. M.Ployd and you aren’t
Dear Ms. Schmoe:
We appreciate your taking the time to apply with Everybody Needs a Life and a Paycheck. After carefully reviewing your LOL resume, unfortunately we have moved ahead with another applicant since there never was a job and we were phishing for your email address. However, we will keep your application on file circular you better believe should a position right! open and contact you with our usual spam and viruses as intended.
The H.R. Puff ‘N Snuff Dept
What rejection letters say and really mean are often contradictions in mumbo jumbo protocol. Collecting such letters should neither become a pastime to ridiculous means, nor a waste of an applicant’s time. Often the quest can take the breath right out of the eager candidate’s motivation leaving them exhausted with worthless feelings from many failed attempts.
Yet when headlines from the New York Times report that hiring is slow, the unemployment rate is edging up, and (Paul Ashworth, chief Unlisted States economist at Capital Economics) says, “The economy clearly just hit a brick wall,” it seems impossible to keep a positive perspective, but try we must.
Better to shift your ears to the words of Jane Corcoran (The Corcoran Group) who rose from waitress to entrepreneurial billionaire real-estate market mogul/author/(real-estate) contributor on NBC's Today and judge on ABC's Shark Tank. Although referenced to salespeople in her real estate world, the message, and mantra for reaching her very own remarkable achievements, has merit and rings true for all to follow:
“Handling rejection is 90 percent of what (sales) is all about, and the better you are about getting up quickly, and not spending too much time feeling sorry for yourself, that's what determines who are the superstars.”
So think like a superstar and crumble those snail mail rebuffs, hit delete on all electronic dismissals, pull it together, and reset your sights for that record-breaking letter that will one day come to the determined, persistent with so much to offer and say, “Congratulations!”
Phyllis Briskman is a verse contributor and does PR/marketing. She sharpened her first pencil as retail fashion copywriter, writing to count before Twitter tweeted its first hello. Later, she flew the cubicle to do freelance creative becoming a writer of all trades, from beauty to fitness for catalogs, magazines, and websites. Born to brainstorm, she's named retail businesses and website domains. She loves quick wit, survives on laughter, is a little hokey, but aims to please because that’s what life’s all about.