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October 27, 2003
Random Questions
When it comes to pondering the state of advertising today, I’m smart enough to realize that I don’t have all the answers. And I’m wary of anyone to claims to know all the answers. But maybe you know a few of them. So here are some random thoughts I’ve had lately:

I just saw the shrill, ever-annoying Gilbert Gottfried starring in a new ad campaign. Who are the nimrods that keep casting this guy in commercials? Can someone forward me a focus group research study that explains his appeal as a spokesperson?

Why do some clients complain that “no one reads copy,” then 5 minutes later ask for more product info in their ads?

Why are Human Resources people generally the crabbiest, most unfriendly “human resources” in an ad agency?

Exactly what is different in a Saturn?

Who is “loving it” at McDonald’s, and just what exactly is “it” that he/she is loving?

Kmart recently awarded their $270 million account to Grey. The world’s dullest retailer has turned to the world’s dullest ad agency to revive its bankrupt company and its moribund brand. Can someone explain this to me?

Could a group of ad executives, given complete and total creative freedom and using the best principles of brand building, take a Presidential candidate and get him elected solely on the strength of great paid political advertising?

If a fat person can sue McDonald’s for causing obesity, can a debt-laden person sue an ad agency for causing them to max out their credit cards buying stuff?

What is the click-through rate for women who get spam e-mails for penis enlargement pills?

Why do higher-level people (ECDs, CEOs) answer their phones more often and return voice mails faster than most middle managers?

Will American ad agency jobs ever get outsourced to India like computer programming jobs?

How can a client-side marketing director with 20 years’ experience still not understand the difference between a rough cut of a commercial and a completed version?

Has there ever been a paid product placement in a porn film?

How come I’ve never once been chosen to be a Nielsen ratings participant, or been part of a public opinion poll? Have you?

Is anybody reading this?

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Since 2002, Dan Goldgeier has been writing the most provocative advertising columns about advertising and marketing -- over 170 of them, covering every related topic you can think of. Now based in Seattle, Dan is a copywriter and ad school graduate who's worked at shops big and small. 

Visit his copywriting websitesee his LinkedIn profile or follow him on Twitter.

And please, buy his book for 99 cents.


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