Whether you imbibed too many liberal libations of a 90-proof nerve tonic at a holiday party or simply need relief from holiday-induced headaches, strain or excruciating pain, friends, at the first sign of any of these symptoms, for goodness’ sake, this time take your TV’s advice — and you know, more and more televisions are recommending an amazing new psychic breakthrough: Dr. Goodbody’s Total Goodbody System.
“Dr. Goodbody’s Total Goodbody System™,” Newsweek's Larry Doyle tells us, “is such a revolutionary and completely natural way to eliminate all your health problems that it is quite common for people to feel frightened before using it and to feel disoriented and more frightened afterward.”
Are you hooked yet? What follows is a series of responses to alleged customer write-ins.
“$750 for a thirty-day supply?” one consumer asks. “That’s $25 a pill.” Dr. Goodbody's reps asks who wouldn't pay that much to feel like a million bucks. Other customers write in to say their doctors disapprove, they've gained weight, or they've suffered countless ailments as a result of Dr. G's pills. Or will. The company continues to defend its product as the single biggest cure of any and all ailments, explaining that horrible side effects just mean it’s working very well.
The moral of this story, ladies and gents, is twofold. One, No matter how tough your job search or workplace gets, remember to always (and I mean always), maintain your sense of humor. The second, of course, is to never make ridiculous claims that you can't possibly back up. People will see through them, and they will make you look, well...ridiculous. And no one wants that. Unless you're interviewing for the job of Elf, in which case, carry on!
Tom Kellum is a job hunting consultant, helping people's dreams come true since 1987. He specializes in providing a personal job-landing service based on proven marketing strategies and methods. For more information, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit www.careerkeysman.com
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