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December 21, 2011
How the CMO Grinch Got Social
This month’s post was inspired by Dr. Seuss, the Season, and a recent article from Forbes, stating that 71% of CMOs are under-prepared to manage the current "data explosion," while 68% struggle with social media. Happy Holidays!
Every Who down in Whoville liked surfing a lot…
But the CMO Grinch, was a Grinch who did NOT!
He hated the net and its entrepreneurs.
But, please don’t ask why. For no one’s quite sure.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his budgets were tight.
But I think the real reason, if truth may be told,
May have been that his media plan was two decades too old.
Whatever the reason, his budget or plan,
He needed a way to launch his new brand.
Peering over his AdAge the CMO Grinch squinted.
His mind wandered back to the days of Bill Clinton.
He longed for his spray mount, Exactos, and Letraset.
He longed for his Rubylith, stat camera, and press checks.
But the source of his longing, his ultimate endeavor,
Was a media landscape that never changed—ever.
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop progress from coming!”
For tomorrow, like every day, the kids and commuters
Would wake bright and early to get on their computers.
It starts with some typing and clicking and clatter.
Then they start in with their incessant chatter.
That’s one thing he hated! The CHATTER!
Then the Whos, young and old, would log onto Twitter.
And they’d tweet! And they’d tweet! And they’d TWEET!
They’d tweet about shopping and competitors’ brands 
Which was something the Grinch just couldn’t stand!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would meet up on Facebook and post on their walls.
They’d post funny pictures, which he hated the most.
They’d post! And they’d post! And they’d POST!
And the more the Grinch thought of these Whos and their web,
The more the Grinch feared, “My brand will be dead!”
“Why, for fifty-three years nothing’s changed up ‘till now!”
“I MUST stop social marketing! I just don’t know HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” said the Grinch of his caper.
“I’ll launch my new brand with an deluge of paper.
I’ll mail every man, all the women, and infants.
I’ll fill up their mail boxes, hallways, and easements.”
“All I need is a mailing list…” so the Grinch called around.
But since no one likes junk mail, none could be found.
Did that stop the Grinch? No! CMO Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t buy a good list, I’ll make one instead.”
So he called his pal Max, they sat down at two tables,
And scissored some phone books to make address labels.
Dressed in brown shorts like the UPS man,
Grinch loaded his mail bags in a rusty old van.
Then the Grinch said, “Skeedaddle!” And Max forward sped,
Toward the homes where the Whos lay asnooze in their beds.
All their iPhones were turned off. All their laptops were shut.
All the Whos were all dreaming of 4Chan and aplusk.
He stopped at the first little house on his list.
“This is stop number one,” the CMO Grinch hissed,
As he climbed from the van with two bags in his fist.
Then he filled up the mailbox. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Publishers Clearing House could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He entered the Whos’ home without their permission.
And dumped all his junk mail all over their kitchen.
When his sacks were all empty, he looked to and fro.
“These laptops,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, like a creepy big maggot,
Around the whole house, and he took every gadget!
Androids! And Apples! A Gateway! A Dell!
iPads! And modems! And printers as well!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!
Then he swiped all their cables and their Apple TV.
He took the Who-WiFi! He took the Whos’ Wii!
He cleaned out that Who-house as quick as a lick.
Why, that CMO Grinch took their last memory stick!
Then he stuffed all the tech up the chimney with fervor.
“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will stuff up the server!”
And the Grinch grabbed the server, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Who went by the handle of @Cindy-Lou.
The Grinch had been caught by this micro Who-blogger,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “UPS man, why,”
“Why are you taking our Macintosh? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tweeter,” the CMO lied,
“There’s a light on the hard drive that won’t light on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to Cupertino, my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when @Cindy-Lou went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the Mac up!
Then the last thing he took was a book from Steve Jobs.
And he ripped it in two with his grinchy-green claws.
He rummaged their closets and emptied their drawers.
And the one speck of tech that he left in the house,
Was a dial-up modem and a Logitech mouse.
Then he did the same thing to the other Who-houses
Leaving dial-up modems and the other Whos’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos were offline,
When he drove his packed van up a windy incline.
“The end of their YouTube and Facebook,” he reckoned.
“The end of their friending, their tweet-ups, and check-ins.”
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,
He rode with their tech to the tiptop to dump it!
“With the Who-tech all gone it will be like before,
They’ll read all my adverts and visit my store.”
Or so thought the Grinch as drove on with glee,
Then he pulled the van over and looked down to see.
And he heard a strange sound rising up from below.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this chatter was merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He saw them all chatting around a big fire
Made from a heap of his four-color flyers.
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was chatting and sharing! Without any Who-tech at all!
He HADN’T stopped social marketing! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his MBA from nineteen eighty-three,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be?”
“It came with out software! It came without hardware!”
“It came without Diggit or Reddit or Foursquare!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe social media,” he thought, “is not just for fun.”
“Maybe social media…perhaps…is how customers are won!”
Perhaps this new media isn’t so new.
Perhaps being social is how big brands all grew.
And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch’s small Klout score grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his budgets didn’t feel quite so lean,
He logged onto to TalentZoo and hired a team.
And he brought back the Who-tech! And all he had robbed!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The CMO Grinch started a blog!
For more Holiday marketing fun, check out the Santa Claus Graphic Guidelines from Brand Rants

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Sean Duffy is a founder of Duffy Agency, the digital marketing agency for aspiring international brands. Sean has over 25 years of experience working with strategic marketing in Boston, San Francisco, Stockholm, and Copenhagen. In addition to his involvement with Duffy Agency, Sean is a frequent speaker on strategic international marketing and online brand management. He serves also as Lecturer and Practitioner in Residence at the Lund University School of Economics & Management and as Mentor in their Masters Program in Entrepreneurship. Sean is an active member of  TAAN Worldwide where he has served two terms as the European Governor. He is also a speaker, bloggerTwittererand is on LinkedInWith offices in Malmö and Boston, Sean splits his time between Sweden and the States.

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