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Really...Someone Thought This Stuff Up
By: Brian Keller
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If you love advertising, you love the awards. Here're a few awards for mind-boggling contributions to messaging, be it digital, TV, radio, social media, or out of home, in 2016. We couldn’t wait until the end of the year.
Social media has become a go-to force in creating messaging that that can break down doors and reach millions in almost an instant.
The winner of the Sorry: Foot in the Mouth Award……
A tweet posted on International Women’s Day by the GOP (National Republican Senatorial Committee said: “Tammy Duckworth doesn’t ‘stand up’ for vets.”
Democratic Senator Elect Tammy Duckworth, a former Assistant Secretary of the Department of Veteran Affairs, lost her legs while serving in Iraq.
If You’re Not White Enough, You’re Not Good Enough Award
Social Media
Seoul Secret, a beauty brand, thought the campaign “White makes you win” was tweet-worthy, so they done tweeted it along with a video (play) of Chris Horwang, actress and singer, speaking of her work and how being whiter has helped her to great success.
If you’re a digital brand, you need to be away from home.
The Digital, Who Needs Stinking Digital, Award
Facebook decided to go out of home for some important messages. We expect that Big Data led the geniuses at Facebook to that decision, as we’re sure that the power of a board at places like the Mineola stop of the Long Island Railroad was the best place for a brand that has about a billion online daily users. But wait, there’s more. Facebook, an application that’s treasured for its “likes,” pictures of food, cute kittens, multiple identities, and insane political rants gave us these great messages: the stirring “A place for Remembering” and the anthem-like “A place where words aren’t needed.” The “ads” are all type.
The Henry David Thoreau Smokes American Spirits and Has a Bike Messenger Bag Award Television
Now, a modern-day hipster Walt Whitman is seen in a diner writing away on his laptop. An appropriately hot waitress approaches him and inquires as to what he’s doing. Not wanting to give away “a work in progress,” he does just that and we are treated to (full version) 2 minutes and 49 seconds of “Songs of the Open Road,” complete with buffaloes, big cities, great-looking people, small cities, desserts, small towns, and all manner of Americana brought to us by modern Whitman from the window of his Volvo, which, of course, keeps all our roads more open. We look forward to hipster Thoreau’s take on the launch of the reconfigured EST that will probably break on the Super Bowl. Oh, Captain my Captain, OMG.
Let’s Pander To A Millennial Award: A Tie.
Four lovely millennials are taking what appears to be a long trip on the most romantic of people carriers — a train. As the stunning countryside drifts softly and beautifully outside the windows of the train, our impeccably dressed quartet focuses only on their quest for Korean food in Boulder Colorado. After finding a fare for all, they relax with a side trip to virtual reality land. We guess that the incredulous woman using the VR gear is gasping at the beauty of the virtual country as seen from a virtual train window brought to them by Google’s Pixel and Verizon
A Chef Reprimands the Saucy Sous Chef. What Would You Do?
Well, you could leave the kitchen, get in your car, and drive while singing “You Don’t Own Me.” “You Don’t Own Me” was written by John Madara and Dave White, produced by Quincy Jones, and first performed by the Long Island songbird Leslie Gore. The song became an early statement of emancipation for young women. Here the emancipated include our chef, roller derby queens, bicyclists, basketball spinners, and all manner of really good-looking millennials taking part in the song of themselves. Eventually, our Chef returns, happily, to the kitchen from where she should have been fired and completes her dish. “Ey, get up, stand up, and stand up for your rights!” Go Toyota go. “Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you Wu wu wu.”

I Wish I Thought of That/ Hey I Did Think of That First…or Did I? Award
  1. Lead fearlessly (as opposed to leading in fear) Robert H. Smith School of Business — University of Maryland)
  2. Live fearless (as opposed to living in fear) — Blue Cross/Blue Shield
The Lifetime Achievement Award for Offensiveness
Local Television
A mattress company in San Antonio decided to be the first to take a comic look at 9/11. It’s long overdue in our overly sensitive country. 9/11 should now be considered a funny. Complete with toppling twin towers made of mattresses, this commercial could help the country, after a bitter election, unite. We should all give thanks that we are the only country where something like this could possibly see the light of day.

Runners Up and a Few Great Lines 
Identifyepi.com (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency): “My number two doesn't look like a number two. Is there a number three?” America devours porn, brutality, and all manner of bad behavior, but we just can’t say diarrhea.

“It’s like Viagra on steroids.”  For erections lasting more than four months please contact…. 
Botox presented a heartfelt ad for migraine headache relief where one of the side effects is a headache.

Links for you just in case:

1. Seoul Secret: https://youtu.be/WAXOupabYOo

2. Volvo: https://youtu.be/UBt_niVG4sM
3. Google/ Pixel
4. Toyota:  https://youtu.be/49ht-GHpm5U 
5Miracle Mattress: https://youtu.be/2ZmM-2gj5Gc

Who gets your award this year? Let us know.

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About the Author
Brian Keller is the Creative Director at teeny agency in Baltimore. He graduated from the University of Maryland (English), went to grad school at NYU (Cinema Studies), & attends University of Baltimore School of Law.

Brian's been working primarily in the digital space for years but enjoys all communications avenues.

He has built the creative departments at two agencies.

He likes skateboarding with his son. He also falls off his skateboard and amuses his son. When not amusing his son or riding bikes or playing basketball or working he writes for Beyond Madison Avenue & that's why Beyond Madison Avenue appears twice in this sentence.

Find him online here and at www.teenyagency.com.
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