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Worst Cover Letter Ever Written by a PR Flack
By: Shawn Paul Wood
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Breaking news: The economy blows.

I realize that's not 10-inch headline worthy, but considering that the economy has been so bad for the last few years, folk are really coloring outside the lines to get a gig. Tattoos, auditioning for reality shows, or even stalking CMOs on Twitter to get noticed... I mean, calling up old friends for referrals. These are the tactics of the many, or if you are slightly more daring, you could do what is being deemed as the "worst cover letter of all time."

The story is from Houston's CultureMap about a hopeful PR intern-to-be trying to get the much ballyhooed attention of the creative major domo at the Black Sheep Agency. Sounds easy enough, right? Pimp out the resume, open up the thesaurus for a polysyllabic word for "needy" (that's "impecunious" for those scoring at home), and find the right contact at your desired agency should be the right strategy. At least, that's what I thought until I read this cover letter. Now, this has been verified. It's real, so I'll copy and paste, and let the hilarity ensue:

Good morning [REDACTED],
Attached is my resume, along with a few writing samples. If you have any questions, please feel free to f*cking contact me at [REDACTED]. And if you dont im gonna be f*cking pisssed!! So come on stop bullsh*tting and call me ;)
Thanks C*nt!

So, um, where do start? How about with what was not on this sweet missive — the samples. After all that hard work to obliterate any lexicon known to humans, this master linguaphile forgot the friggin' resume and the few writing examples. Pity, because if this cover letter was that dazzling, I can only imagine the hoopla those cherished writing samples would have created. Moving past the missing apostrophes in "don't" and "I'm" or the capitalization issues in the aforementioned "I'm," let's focus on the urinary isssues.

Yes, that's S times 3 in "pissed." Was that for emphasis or incontinence? The same could be said for T times 2 in the reference to the diaeretic male cattle. And speaking of capitalization, should the hiring manager's assumed nom de plume be capitalized? Proper noun? And where's the comma between "thanks," and, well, you know? While I reference my AP Stylebook, let's note the emoticon. That should make it all go down well. Good thing the intern put that in there. I was beginning to think she — yes, SHE — was serious.

Well, enough playing. The question for which you are searching is, "Did it work?"

"We're still boggled. We have no idea why someone would have this to us," Aimee Woodall, founder and leader of the flock at Black Sheep Agency, tells CultureMap.

While she's boggled, I'm sure she doesn't mind the free press. For that alone, I think this loquacious and aspiring intern just found her way off the unemployment line.

   

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About the Author
Shawn Paul Wood is a hack-turned-flack with more than 20 years of collective journalism, copywriting and marketing communications experience. Shawn Paul is founder of Woodworks Communications in Dallas, Texas. If you need him, ping him here or follow him on Twitter @ShawnPaulWood
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