Quick Quiz: Imagine two things that do not mix well together. What was your answer?
Oil and water? Texting and driving? Ignorance and bliss? A Kardashian and any stable, middle-class, Midwestern white guy? Whatever your answer, I have the trump card, thanks to this hilarious story from WPIX-TV in Newark, N.J.
How about Beer Pong and Mothers Against Drunk Driving? No, really. That's what the Newark Bears independent baseball team tried to connect without the dots recently.
According to the story, the cracked PR crew of the aforementioned and beleaguered team decided that the perfect way to raise much-deserved funds for the local M.A.D.D. chapter would be to hold a beer pong tournament. You can imagine that this crafty game of victory one cup at a time would cause quite the kerfuffle, but hey, it's for charity. Right? Who would moan about that?
Try everyone in the nation without a frontal lobotomy. But wait...there's more. That sage decision wasn't good enough. Let's aim for a perfect storm of public relations tomfoolery, shall we?
And the donation would be made in the name of their pitching coach, Jim Leyritz, the former New York Yankees player who was involved in a drunk driving crash that killed a woman in Florida in 2007.
My suggestion? Just forget the game and go to a national M.A.D.D. convention to tell every lady in the house that indeed they do look fat in that dress. Maybe then you will get as many people cussing your mother out in the produce section.
One team official told the PIX 11 News that the team wanted to hold "a legal event for M.A.D.D. at the stadium, which is walking distance from two rail lines and a bus line, and was trying to promote responsible behavior." Evidently, Leyritz tripped when he heard his name was connected with this idea and refused to attend. M.A.D.D. was a little less diplomatic and possibly quoting the rapper DMX, "Y'all gon' make me lose my mind. Up in here. Up in here."
Did I mention the nickname of Newark's beloved Can-Am league team is the "Boozy News Bears"? And then, there's that.